the girl

Thu, 25 May 2006 16:20:23 GMT

if anyone noticed i dropped off of lj and is oh so sad about it, this should help you:

http://tiffcatheryn.blogspot.com - new journal

you can leave comments anonymously if you don't have an account. i advise you to do so 'cause i like comments.

p.s. my 22^nd is tuesday!

Thu, 04 May 2006 17:12:57 GMT

and i'm done with my undergraduate degree. wow.

...

Tue, 02 May 2006 20:47:51 GMT

Next Fall I'll be interning at the Oyez Review, a literary journal featuring fiction, poetry, and creative non-fiction. I'll be doing hands-on editing, designing, publishing, publicizing, and distributing. This might sound lame to some people, but I'm really excited about it. I did a little research on it and Charles Bukowski's work was published in it at one time. This made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

goodbye lit

Tue, 02 May 2006 16:01:43 GMT

Kittie met her future husband in the book return line.

...and I'll always be a little bit fat!

Doing lice kits at 3a.m. under the influence of Tylenol PM

I feel like...

Muncherie runs

Yeah...that would happen.

Bunker throwing up into a cereal bowl.

is this a dollar?
i don't know, let's ask.
lady points to huge sign above every isle that read, "Everything $1"
right...bet that gets old, huh?

Crazy men flocking to me in Europe.

Six Feet Under & Gilmore Girls marathons

free-luvin' futon

I came out screaming, "Give me breast milk!"

I think my cigarette flew in the back window.
Oops, I spilled the jelly beans.

MSU. captain morgans. a penis.

Your face is melting off!

Crissy getting pulled over for speeding by a cop car.

I'm sliding off the couch! Seriously!

A blue highliter exploding on my face. You look like you ate a smurf.

Do we have to pay for the fancy water?

3 bottles of wine on new years

Exit #144 --> frozen yogurt & "Take my breath away"

What were we thinking?

4 pieces of luggage. Paris. way too many stairs.

I really like you. - bottom teeth

2nd place in the Honor's Talent Show

magnet butts

Do you think we set the fire alarm off?
Oh shit!

Canoe trip with the boys

Crissy with her arms wrapped around the toilet.

The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be.

pillow making

Robinson Dining Commons --> ice cream!

Sitting in the Holiday Inn Express' bar trying to drink as many shots as possible before midnight.

Make him go away!

Vaginas - enough said

MOVE FASTER!

Cliff running into walls.

Picnic in the park in prom dresses

There aren't any sparking tots left.

Locking my keys in my car at the Casino and slamming Crissy's finger in Chris' car door.

Do you ever just...look at stuff?

Anna throwing up in her Mountain Dew.

McDonald's pants

Laughing so hard your cheeks hurt.

He smells like Chinese food and sweaty balls!

Add if you remember any...

blah

Tue, 02 May 2006 11:43:22 GMT

American Lit exam @ 10a.m. I can feel my right hand cramping up already. After this, I refuse to think about Paine, Emerson, Thoreau, or Whitman for the entire summer. Well, maybe Whitman.

Awww...last day of class with Kathryn. sad day. :( No more making fun of Danny Patterson's nervous twitches and suit coat(s). <-- have we ever decided if he actually has more than one?

the end

Tue, 02 May 2006 01:17:07 GMT

I am a complete spaz. This really isn't a new revelation, just today it's more apparent. I'm really excited about graduating and going home, but I'm also really sad about my time with Anna ending. She's been my roommate for 3 years and it just doesn't seem real that she won't always be there. I can't study like I used to. I'm too ready for everything to be over and have to keep reminding myself that it isn't yet. This last semester doesn't really matter. My GPA for graduation will only include my last 7 semesters, so I'll be graduating Magna cum Laude no matter how hard I bomb my exams. I've already been accepted to grad school. But I've always done well and I can't just accept mediocrity, although this final semester has been tough and I might end up with simply average grades. I just wish it was all over. There's too much in my head right now and I can't focus.

Chicago is looking more appealing every day. My roommates seems like a perfect match and I'm excited to hang out with them when I go visit soon. I registered for my first semester classes a few days ago. I'll be taking Poetry I, a film lit class, and interning on the school's literary magazine. I feel like I'm ready for this change as if this opportunity has always been waiting for me, I just had to mature and become comfortable enough with myself. I've viewed myself in New York or Chicago ever since I can remember. I was an artist and it was simply meant to be. Now it's actually happening and I get to do something I love in a city I love. I smile about it all alone in my room sometimes.

i miss paris

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 23:34:20 GMT

i felt repulsive all day today, so i'm going to pretend i'm vain now.

i've always thought there was something so seductive about a woman in a chador.

study day

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 18:10:18 GMT

if you're ditzy, thin, beautiful, and agree with everything he says, than he'll fall in love with you.

i'm learned to the point of annoyance, plump, arguably a tad manly, and have lots of opinions.

fuck.

i need a cigarette

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 13:13:04 GMT

maybe i'm just really irritable lately, but the whole new fad of "do-something-to-the-advertisement-and-win-a-super-cool-new-______" is REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING!

ugh work

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 21:41:18 GMT

So I'm driving in my car at 10p.m., jamming to Kelly Clarkson, with my arm inside this huge condom. - Me to Anna. don't ask.

The apartment in Chicago seems like it should all work out splendidly. I've been talking to Alicia and she seems like a great girl that I won't have any problem getting along with. I'm heading down there in mid-May to meet the girls.

I have 3 exams and then I'm done with CMU.

dream

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:31:05 GMT

i had a dream that i met a man and he told me he loved me. then he started hitting me. but he didn't leave and he apologized and i forgave him because that's what i do. and it seemed better than being alone. it actually felt safer than being alone. i was crumbling.

then i woke up. and i felt like my future was staring me in the face.

i am crumbling.

words

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 21:00:38 GMT

definitely my favorite description of my poetry thus far...

a post-coital swim

Pablo Neruda

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 06:07:24 GMT

XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

free-lovin' futon

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 05:00:46 GMT

It's weird thinking about throwing out furniture and stuff. Like my undergrad life is expiring.

I'm glad I'm keeping the futon. Lots of different people have got it on on that thing. haha.

oh my beloved literature

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 18:59:05 GMT

Today I went to Barnes and Noble in Midland and spent too much money. Something about buying a large amount of new books makes me feel safe though. As if it promises me some place to escape to for a significant amount of time. Some of the books I have already read, but felt it was time to add them to my collection. This also gives me a sense of comfort...to have something beautiful as mine.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke, trans. by M.D. Herter Norton (best translation I've found)
the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chobsky
selected poems of anne sexton
Full Woman, Fleshy Apple, Hot Moon: Selected Poems of Pablo Neruda trans. by Stephen Mitchell (also a great translation)

I recommend all the above purchases to everyone, but if you haven't read Kundera's book, you aren't really alive yet.

poem blog

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 09:57:29 GMT

I made a poem blog so I'd have one specific place where I post my poems.

butterflower

so nice out! :)

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 20:58:56 GMT

Went over to Steve's last night. I helped him find black olives at the grocery store. Apparently boys don't know they are in the condiment isle. There was a revolving air-purifier that looked like Slash on Conan. Sasha licked my elbow all night cause I stopped petting her and wanted to go to sleep.

I really need to work on my Lit paper. Damn this last semester of school thing. Damn my lack of motivation.

I just had rich chocolate Ovaltine (you have to say "rich chocolate" before or it doesn't sound right) and Fat Free Fig Newtons for dinner.

While napping earlier, I had a dream that I was telling Ashley Gould about my possible roommate situation for Chicago. It's funny because I always update her on life stuff during HST 356, but we didn't meet this last Thursday, so it was almost as if my dreams were compensating for class being canceled. Really random.

Quotes of the day:

Oh my god! That's exactly what it was like! The Forrest-fucking-Gump pose! Fuck! - me to Kristy on the phone

Wake up spiff!!! I want a peanutbutta samich! - Mark

funness in P-19/27

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 02:19:41 GMT

"I'll rinse off your Monkey."

- Kyla quote of the day, while her, Anna, and I were all huddled in the downstairs bathroom growing safari animals.

sha la la la

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 03:04:13 GMT

I just ate entirely too much strawberry applesauce. At least it wasn't cookies or something.

Tonight was the Central Review poetry reading. I read my pieces "Butterflower" and "Naked Accuracy." Anna and Kyla came to watch. :) Chris, Ashley, and BJ put together a trivia thing and gave out dollar store prizes. I knew most of the answers because I know them. I won a packet of those pill things that expand into animals when you put them in water and a "learn how to draw" dry erase board thingy. So if anyone wants to know how to draw a robot, I gotcha covered.

I also had my own trivia question. I have the record for most publications in the history of the Review with 6 semesters. Oh yeah, who rocks? Anna gave the right answer and won some goggles. We've decided to take a bath with the spongy animals and wear the goggles. Anyone want to join us?

I miss my guy friends. This summer I'm going to go see every movie that looks worthy of attendance and I'm making Mark come with me. I'm calling Mark dibs in advance on all good premieres. I'm also going to go bother Brendan all the time in Grand Rapids. We can drink wine and listen to sad music together while I whine about my parents and he whines about whatever it is that he's whining about that evening.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be attending Roosevelt in the Fall, but I still have the group interview on May 15 for AEON. Both are such great opportunities. If I get the position in Japan, it's going to be really hard to turn down. Who would have thought I would be stuck with such a plethora of opportunities after graduation? Oh man...plethora is such a fucking awesome word.

scottie

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 04:11:20 GMT

beautiful

it’s been hours and miles
and i still can’t catch my breath
about a boy

everything about you makes me
want to write you into me
my every day

driving alone
the world saw and
for an instant, grieved

i felt it so inside of me
the familiar ache of
a soul too thin

this girl, this art
she feels it all without filters
so delicate, so alive

a hello goodbye
and the space between
was not enough

just ask me to come
and learn your body
with my fingertips

and i will
because everything you are
is beautiful

sigh

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 03:35:10 GMT

Wow.

I'm just in awe of life right now. All these decisions I have to make and projects I have to finish in less than a month. My family is no longer a family, my home is no longer my home, and my friends are no longer existing on the same plane as I am. I just found out that both Eastin girls got engaged. I saw a picture of Reagan and she's so big.

Both Anna and Kristy are getting married soon.

Kristy, the girl that's been by my side through the deep shit. She loved me while I was in spandex, obsessing over the Backstreet Boys, and wearing glasses two times too big for me. We've danced together in genie outfits, shared first penis contact stories, cheated off each other's algebra tests, and experienced college for the first time together. Her room was always open to me, at all hours of the night, whenever I needed her. Now she's getting married and going to have babies. I love you so much girl. forever and ever and ever. Everything we've shared has made our friendship that much more vibrant and special. No one will ever take your place in my heart.

Anna, my saving grace. The girl who showed me what it meant to be a truly beautiful woman. She's given me strength and saved me from myself so many times that I could never even begin to repay her. I've never experienced so much of the Lord's love and beauty through anyone else. I've laughed, cried, and lived so much with this woman that I can't imagine life without her. She's going to make such a beautiful bride, an amazing wife, and an even more amazing mother. Honey, I love you so much it hurts sometimes!

Ok...I'm getting all teary.
the end

too many options

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 19:30:10 GMT

I got accepted to the MFA program at Roosevelt University. I guess I hadn't thought about ever getting directly into an MFA program. Now I have another option. My head is seriously going to explode soon.

Post graduation options:

1. Teach English in Japan (a possibility)
2. Americorps
3. Get TEFL certified in 1 month program in Boston
4. MFA program at Roosevelt in Chicago

If anyone would like to share the pluses and minuses that they see in each of these, it would prove helpful.

today

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 01:50:16 GMT

I just ate two of those 50 cent, double layer oatmeal cookie things for dinner. Then I realized that was like eating 6 actual oatmeal cookies + all the sugary cream stuff inside and now I feel huuuuuge.

My mom filed for divorce today. I've thought about it way too much to expand on it right now. My head may possibly explode. If you see me, give me a hug, but I don't want to talk about it.

I'm going to Chicago this weekend. I'm looking forward to it.

Book time.

ha

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 02:28:22 GMT

Anna: Girls shouldn't have premarital sex because they can get ticks in their butt.

I'm going to remember our little moments forever.

sun sun sun

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 13:10:12 GMT

Attending Danny Patterson's class is so hard. I've missed 2 days, I think, so I'm not doing so bad. Actually, maybe it's been 3. We have quizzes every morning now, so I have to go. At least I've gotten all the reading done...unlike some people (*cough*Kathryn*cough*).

I finished Shadows on the Rock yesterday, my last book by Willa Cather for my Studies in Authors class. This made it really set in that my last semester as an undergraduate is coming to a close. I still have to write the intro & conclusion to my 10pg paper for O'Neil, write a paper for both my Lit. class and my African American History class, and put together the Cather scrapbook project with Liz. And I'm actually on time with everything, it's just that all my classes decided to wait until the last minute to assign stuff. I hate that.

I'm required to do this closing loan tutorial thinga-majig. Sounds like lots of fun. I'll finally have to admit I'm in debt from school. boo. I also have to remember to go to the bookstore and do the graduation robe stuff. I don't really know how that works. I hope I kept the info that I got in the mail. They should know not to send college students papers in advance. They'll just lose them.

I've read my Bible for the last three nights. I'm in Romans right now and really enjoying it.

I'm so thankful that it's sunny today. If I had to walk all the way to Anspach in the cold wind and the rain like yesterday, I'd be super cranky.